Thursday, May 3, 2012

Finding love, still

He holds them at his side and when he gets in the car they spring at me. I gasp and smile and...

I've never seen Sunflowers like these. I never cared much for them but all the sudden they are my favorite. A sunflower must be aware of God. They follow the sun, soaking up the heavens all day.

I want to soak all of this up.

For I never knew much of this caring man, hid away from people, waiting for me to need him.

He wakes me up at 8 a.m. and brings me cheesy eggs with bits of ham and shushes the kids to the table so that I can eat in peace. He asks if I need something for the pain and he brings me a little white pill and a glass of water.

Tuesday I had surgery to remove some cysts on my ovaries and when I start to bleed he's on the phone again. When the Doctor hasn't called in an hour, he calls once more. This time he's stern and He doesn't quit until they say "she's o.k."

I smile at this man, all fierce and defensive for me. Though I am all passion and whispered thoughts, he is action and doing to show his love. Where I like to comfort, he likes to fix.

I was scared of the anesthesia. He asked me why and when I asked, "What if I don't wake up?" he told me "You have to face the fear of death. When you trust God, there is nothing to be scared of." Then we prayed and the peace washed over me.

Still, he isn't the sort of man who holds me in the theater or kisses me in public. Sometimes I see that and I feel like our love is less-than.

But behind closed doors and under sheets of grey, we find love, always and even after all these years it's like seeing him for the first time. I'm all wide eyed, thanking God for making this man for me.

I'll cherish every time he reaches for my hand in public, even though those times are few and far between. Sometimes the space between is a lot closer than it appears.

Joining Emily for Imperfect Prose today.

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emily wierenga said...

oh alexis. this is so pure and true and good. this is how i feel about my trenton too. he makes me eggs with ham too. i so hope we get to meet in person one day. love to you.

Barb said...

Dear Alexis, I'm in AZ and heading to Ut tomorrow but wanted to check if you had posted. I'm so glad I can read your prose poem of love before bed. I'm missing my own husband tonight after being away a week. So comforting to be loved and cherished. I'm sending wishes for your speedy recovery. I know you have a first birthday coming up! Take care.

Nancy said...

This just makes me all kinds of happy. Not that you had to have surgery, but seeing through your words that you are being well cared for and loved.

Love that he fought for you over the phone. And, I think sunflowers are just about one of the most cheerful things God ever had it in his mind to create.

Rest well. Heal.

Wanda..... said...

It's nice to be taken care of, when in need. Your husband is one to treasure, Alexis. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Deb Colarossi said...

Not sure what to say, I'm all goosebumps:)