Wednesday, May 9, 2012

the good housewife

I've never been the good housewife. 


My laundry piles, dishes forget themselves, the beds wakeup differently than I'd hoped for. It offends me, deeply.


I make schedules written on chalkboard but before I can finish Sunday, sweet little hands have wiped my hand to dust.


My creative spark may be sucked up in this never ending verse- circling around my head- faster, faster, faster. So I fight it, making it vicious, armed with wire to trip on.


It will never end.


For I am the beginning and the end of it, the halo is born of me.


I think about longevity and how it's all in vain.  I stare at these things: the dishes and clothes hung, the kitchen table. I wonder where it will end up in a hundred years. My favorite dress will be moth eaten and ragged, my writings will be recycled and the plates I wash will crumble and fall to the dirt.


I have to keep on washing though. It's the motion, not the thing I hold in my hand. Anything held can be taken away, taken for granted.


So, I'll focus on the motion, the way my hands move to make a home and I'll find the joy in every single day, scrawling this all on my heart.


Then, when I'm tired and feel like giving up again, I'll turn to Proverbs 31:10-31. I think thats who I want to be when I grow up. ..


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11 comments:

Southern Gal said...

"So, I'll focus on the motion, the way my hands move to make a home and I'll find the joy in every single day, scrawling this all on my heart."
Yes and yes.

Ostriches Look Funny said...

I feel your pain in the effort to find balance. I don't often focus on my hands though, and I need to. I focus on the not enough and not done instead of the doing.

Brian Miller said...

i love the focus on the motion because what we hold is def fleeting in most cases...and in those small acts of service some really beautiful things can happen...

Rachna Chhabria said...

I can understand your predicament.

This line "So, I'll focus on the motion, the way my hands move to make a home and I'll find the joy in every single day, scrawling this all on my heart." sums it up well.

Nikki said...

Yes...the motion. It's really the only thing that reflects our heart--that which God sees.

thank you for sharing your heart with us. I felt the motion. Hugs to you! (and I'm with you on Prov 31!)

emily wierenga said...

oh girl. i take so much comfort from this. do you know what a disaster my house is, with four little boys? some days i just sit and throw up my hands. but these are the whirlwind days... and we'll have so much time to clean when they're all off in school. so for now, i let the dust bunnies gather :) love to you.

Janelle said...

I'm with you, girlfriend. Not that I'm proud of it. It just, is.

Janelle
A Story Of Grace.com

Shrinky said...

It does get easier as they grow and learn better how to pick up after themselves, I never thought it would, but it does (smile). You've crafted this post so beautifully, all the weary frustration and tender love of a life suspended in the ordinary day to day.

Connie Arnold said...

Lovely post, Alexis! I know what you mean, and your words are encouraging. Scripture is always a great place to turn to find meaning and inspiration in our lives.

Barb said...

I have always known this, "the halo is born of me" but have never expressed it so well. They will grow, Alexis, and what will remain is called love. It has nothing to do with a clean house, thank goodness. I'm back in CO. I read the post I think maybe you took down about visiting your growing-up place. It affected me deeply. We all have such a place, no matter how we may seem to others. Your writing, like your children, matters - nurture it as you do them.

4simplyliving said...

Love how your blog tied right in with mine, living in the present, not in the chains of whatever our history could be. Thank you for your kind words on my blog :)